Short and sweet, pun intended. Here are 10 Christmas movies to choose from and the “accidentally” vegan junk food that goes along with them. Some of these you will recognize as Christmas movies and some you have probably forgot about. Regarding the food choices, I am not saying anything listed below is healthy, but it is vegan and we wanted to focus on items available almost everywhere that you might enjoy while traveling or in a bind this holiday season.
NOTE: It is your decision if ingredients like palm oil and sugar are vegan. Do the research on where these items come from and decide yourself. If anyone mentions bone char/sugar, you are going on the naughty list and I will burn your face off with my eye lasers.
1. Elf & Blueberry Pop Tarts.
Starting the day off with Pop Tarts and a light hearted movie. Sure Zooey Deschanel is one of the stars of the movie, and she is a complete @$$hole who was an outspoken, boasting and bragging vegan. However Zooey turned anti-vegan because, like a baby, she was incapable of making healthy decisions on her plant based diet and blamed it for her poor health. Maybe she was eating nothing but blueberry pop tarts? At least you get some Artie Lang (as Santa) for a brief moment. You can make your own icing if you prefer. Just add 1.5 cups of powered sugar, 2 tablespoons of your favorite fruit preserves and 1 tablespoon of milk (almond, rice, soy, hemp, cashew, etc…)
- Ingredients: ENRICHED FLOUR (WHEAT FLOUR, NIACIN, REDUCED IRON, THIAMIN MONONITRATE [VITAMIN B1], RIBOFLAVIN [VITAMIN B2], FOLIC ACID), CORN SYRUP, HIGH FRUCTOSE CORN SYRUP, DEXTROSE, SOYBEAN AND PALM OIL (WITH TBHQ FOR FRESHNESS), CRACKER MEAL, CONTAINS TWO PERCENT OR LESS OF WHEAT STARCH, SALT, DRIED BLUEBERRIES, DRIED GRAPES, DRIED APPLES, LEAVENING (BAKING SODA, SODIUM ACID PYROPHOSPHATE, MONOCALCIUM PHOSPHATE), CITRIC ACID, CORNSTARCH, NATURAL AND ARTIFICIAL BLUEBERRY FLAVOR, MODIFIED WHEAT STARCH, SOY LECITHIN, XANTHAN GUM, CARAMEL COLOR, RED #40, BLUE #1, BLUE #2, VITAMIN A PALMITATE, NIACINAMIDE, REDUCED IRON, PYRIDOXINE HYDROCHLORIDE (VITAMIN B6), RIBOFLAVIN (VITAMIN B2), THIAMIN HYDROCHLORIDE (VITAMIN B1), FOLIC ACID.
2. Scrooged & Otter Pops
I love Scrooged. It’s a dark, gritty and wittty movie full of hilarious dialogue and a star studded cast. Feel the icy chill of the 3 ghosts that visit Bill Murray’s character while sucking down otter pops. Bobcat Goldthwait & David Johansen (New York Dolls) play great supporting characters.
- Ingredients: WATER, HIGH FRUCTOSE CORN SYRUP, FRUIT JUICE (CONTAINS ONE OR MORE OF THE FOLLOWING: APPLE, GRAPE OR PEAR JUICE FROM CONCENTRATE), CONTAINS LESS THAN 2% OF THE FOLLOWING: CITRIC ACID, NATURAL AND ARTIFICIAL FLAVORS, SODIUM BENZOATE AND POTASSIUM SORBATE
3. Die Hard & Spicy Sweet Chili Doritos
Yeah, Die Hard IS a Christmas Movie. There is Christmas muzak, Christmas Tree’s and even some white powder being passed around the party. There is not much to add here, just watch this movie and load up on Spicy Sweet Chili Doritos, they are the bold flavor you need to pair with John Mclane. Just remember it’s not really Christmas until Hans Gruber falls off of Nakatomi Plaza and your belly is full from Christmas gorging.
- Ingredients: whole corn, vegetable oil (contains one or more of the following: corn, sunflower, and/or soybean oil), salt, sugar, monosodium glutamate, fructose, sodium diacetate, soy sauce solids (soybean, wheat, salt), onion powder, corn maltodextrin, hydrolyzed soy protein, hydrolyzed corn protein, garlic powder, tortula yeast, malic acid, extractives of paprika, spices, caramel color, disodium inodinate, disodium guanylate, dextrose, and natural flavor. contains soy and wheat ingredients.
4. A Christmas Story & Cracker Jack
Because of 24 hours of a Christmas Story, you either love this movie or hate it. I never get tired of it. How can a movie with so many classic lines and hilarious scenarios not be a Christmas Classic. As a little child growing up in the midwest, everyone wanted a BB gun, myself included. Of course, all you ever heard from your mother was “You’ll shoot your eye out.” Sit back for 24 hours and enjoy Some Cracker Jack, just beware of unfair Asian stereotypes towards the end of the movie.
- Ingredients: popcorn, molasses, peanuts, sugar, corn syrup, salt, corn and/or soybean oil.
5. Home Alone & Papa Johns Pizza
Yeah it’s endorsed by a mouth breather and the founder is a loser to the extreme, but who cares right? If you need pizza asap Papa Johns standard crust is vegan. Even their garlic dipping sauce is vegan. If pizza helped Kevin McCallister through his tough time, then pizza will help you through the holiday’s. Just don’t forget, no cheese please, and when you tip the delivery driver say “keep the change you filthy animal.”
- Ingredients: Unbleached and enriched high-protein flour, purified water, sugar, soybean oil, salt, yeast and extra virgin olive oil.
6. National Lampoons Christmas Vacation & Pillsbury Apple Turnovers
Arguably the best in the Vacation series, Christmas Vacation is a classic that is full of humor that anyone who attends Christmas functions with family can relate to. The little scenes between Clark and their yuppie neighbors (Julia Louis-Dreyfus) always get me cracking up. Plus, cousin Eddie is at the top of his game in this one. Eat some cheap pastry and get that Christmas bonus!
- Ingredients: Water, Enriched Flour Bleached (wheat flour, niacin, ferrous sulfate, thiamin mononitrate, riboflavin, folic acid), Sugar, Soybean Oil, Dextrose, Hydrogenated Palm Oil*, Dried Apples, Modified Corn Starch, Palm Oil, Baking Powder (baking soda, sodium acid pyrophosphate, sodium aluminum phosphate), Partially Hydrogenated Soybean Oil*, Salt, Vital Wheat Gluten, High Fructose Corn Syrup, Corn Starch, Potassium Chloride, Citric Acid, Mono and Diglycerides, Molasses, Preservatives (sodium benzoate, erythorbic acid, potassium sorbate, TBHQ, citric acid), Xanthan Gum, Dough Conditioner (sodium stearoyl lactylate, mono and diglycerides, calcium sulfate), Spice, Ascorbic Acid, Calcium Gluconate, Sodium Phosphate, Artificial Flavor, Yellow 5, Color Added, Red 40.
7. Edward Scissorhands & Top Ramen
Oh Johnny Depp, you magnificent, sexy bastard. Have you ever made a bad movie? This Tim Burton classic is epic in so many ways. It’s dark, funny, artistic and thought provoking. The score is Danny Elfman, is there anyone else Johnny Depp and Tim Burton use? Also featuring Winona Ryder as the crush of my youth and (weirdly) a buff Anthony Michael Hall as the protagonist. Why Top Ramen? Something about not needing a knife (scissorhands) to eat this and memories of so many late nights in college. Just remember to get Nissin Ramen as the popular Maruchan Ramen is not vegan.
- Ingredients: Ramen Noodles: Enriched Flour (Wheat Flour, Niacin, Reduced Iron, Thiamine Mononitrate, Riboflavin, Folic Acid), Vegetable Oil (Contains One or More of the Following: Canola Oil, Cottonseed Oil, Palm Oil) Preserved by Tocopherols and/or TBHQ and/or Ascorbyl Palmitate, Contains Less than 2% of Salt, Sodium Tripolyphosphate, Potassium Carbonate, Sodium Carbonate, Sodium Alginate. Seasoning Mix: Salt, Soy Sauce Powder (Wheat, Soybeans, Maltodextrin, Salt), Monosodium Glutamate, Spices, Hydrolyzed Soy, Corn and Wheat Protein, Garlic Powder, Caramel Color, Onion Powder, Rice Oil, Citric Acid, Disodium Succinate, Dehydrated Leek, Calcium Silicate (Anticaking Agent), Disodium Guanylate, Disodium Inosinate.
8. Gremlins & Blow Pops
Little green monsters destroy the small town of Kingston Falls. A “dorky” bank teller releases these monsters after gaining a new pet and violating two of three rules: No water (oops), no food after midnight (errrrr sorry, chicken will turn you into a monster), and no bright light. Hilarious destruction in a town straight out of a Norman Rockwell painting. All that aside, you had me at Phoebe Cates. Yes, BLOW POPS & Phoebe Cates!!!
- Ingredients: Sugar, Corn Syrup, Gum Base, Starch, Citric Acid, Glycerin, Artificial Flavors, Artificial Colors (Including FD&C Red 40, FD&C Blue 1), Turmeric Coloring and BHT Added as a Preservative.
9. It’s a Wonderful Life & Oreos
Enjoy the classic black & white Christmas movie with everyone’s favorite black & white cookie. Both are a timeless Christmas treasure. Merry Christmas high fructose corn syrup. Merry Christmas soy lecithin.
- Ingredients: sugar, unbleached enriched flour, high oleic canola and palm oil, cocoa, high fructose corn syrup, leavening, cornstarch, salt, soy lecithin, vanillin and chocolate.
10. Bad Santa & Alcohol
It’s the end of the night and you are probably sick of explaining veganism and taking jabs about your “vegan food” from friends and family. You need alcohol, and a lot of it. Bring on Bad Santa and drinks. This dark comedy became a Christmas classic the minute it was released. Billy Bob Thornton plays a legendary drunk mall santa and vulgarity ensues. Bernie Mac & Tony Cox have some incredible one liners and confrontations during the film. Drink up mother truckers because Christmas is almost over!
- Ingredients: Check Barvivore before you consume.
Well that’s it, my top 10 Christmas movies and the “accidentally” vegan junk food that goes with them. Let me know what movie you would put on this list and the vegan treat that goes with it. Happy Holiday’s.